Friday, June 6, 2008

Indiana who?

I broke down and went to see the Indiana Jones movie.

That would have been "the new Indiana Jones movie", except there was nothing new about it. Just because the Indy movies are based upon old Saturday morning serials doesn't mean they have for follow a formula. A tired formula, at that.

Production values were just plain lazy. The plot was full of holes, the script would have gotten an 'incomplete' if it had been turned in as an assignment for a college sophomore screen writing class; the actors all needed a good night's sleep (the makeup folks should have done something about the bags under Karen Allen's eyes), the special effects were slapdash and muddy and the final moments were stolen from Raiders of the Lost Ark AND The Last Crusade.

Harrison Ford is a good actor, but his days as an action hero are long passed. During the motorcycle chase, I couldn't even pretend to believe the stunt man on the back of the bike, doing all those flips and falls, was Ford. And talk about phony; Cate Blanchett's Russian accent was awful, I expected to hear her to shout for Boris or Natasha, or scream, "Moose and squirrel must die!"

Was there anything I liked about the movie? The opening scene, with the old Ford hotrod was snazzy, and I would love to see the outtakes; it's got to be nothing but one actor starting to read a line and the others breaking into giggles.

Come on guys; enough is enough. Let Jones find a nice crypt somewhere, so that the poor guy can curl up and die.